WHAT TO LOOK FOR IN A MAN/FUTURE HUSBAND
Do you want the man God wants for you? Or do you want the man that YOU want for you? If God created you, who else better to consult concerning what you need? Disclaimer before we get started. This is for Christian women who are preparing for and seeking marriage to a man and to those who are already married. If you’re not seeking marriage, still read this anyway just in case you change your mind in the future. Some of you have gotten caught up in what the culture and society say a potential husband should be. He’s gotta be sexy. He’s gotta be tall. He’s gotta have money. He’s gotta be able to please me. While these things are not necessarily bad, they are very superficial and represent only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to what your husband should really be. If you are seeking a true husband, I dare you to take your boyfriend or the guy you’re seeing and see how he holds up to the 4 questions I’ve outlined below. And if he doesn’t or isn’t at least trying, I ask that you truly consider whether he is right for you. Too many women believe that they will have this “mystical” feeling when they’ve found the “one” and they’ll call this feeling God. Ladies, ladies, ladies. Your feelings cannot be the only thing that you use to determine if he is husband material. Feelings are too unreliable and change like the wind. I want you to understand that God has clearly outlined what you should look for in a potential husband. It’s based on God’s logic, not your “feelings”. The four questions you need to answer regarding your potential husband are:
1.Does He Love God And His Word?
2.Is He A Potential/Intentional Leader With Goals?
3.Is He A Provider And Protector?
4.Does He Honor Your Body?
- Does He Love God And His Word?
2 Timothy 3:16-17 – “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.”
Ladies. The man you are interested in should have a functional, spiritual relationship with God. He should be seeking God’s Word on how to live his life instead of seeking only worldly success and fame. A man needs to be constantly sitting under the teaching of the Word and studying it. Notice I didn’t say he has to be super religious. Being religious and following God’s Word are two completely different things. And this is not to say that he will not make mistakes and fall short. But he should feel convicted by his mistakes and want to do better. He must understand what it means to be a man according to scripture. Our society has misconstrued what it means to be a true man. In our society, you’re not a true man until you’ve sexually conquered a few women and/or made a lot of money. This is contrary to what the Word says. His goal in life should be to ultimately please God above all else. Ladies, he cannot and will not correctly love you without a clear understanding of how Jesus loved the church and gave his life for it. His love for you cannot be based solely on anything you do for him. It cannot be based on just your beauty or your intellect. But rather it’s based on what Jesus did for us all. His love for you cannot be conditional on what you can do for him sexually or how you talk or dress. Again, not that these things are not important, they just CANNOT be the basis of his love. If he doesn’t exhibit these qualities or is not working towards them, he is NOT the man God wants for you but rather he’s the man YOU want for you. For some, that will be a hard pill to swallow. And for those who are already married to a man that is not walking in this calling, pray for Him. You continue to keep God first and read scripture on what a wife should be to her husband and watch God change him like ONLY God can.
- Is He A Potential/Intentional Leader With Goals?
Proverbs 16:1-3 – “To humans belong the plans of the heart, but from the LORD comes the proper answer of the tongue. All a person’s ways seem pure to them, but motives are weighed by the LORD. Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.”
Proverbs 18:22 – “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.”
Ladies, he needs to make it clear to you early on that he is searching for marriage. I know that goes against the norm in today’s world but shacking, sexing, and doing all the things that God intended for marriage while being outside of marriage is a waste of time. Plus, you cannot expect God to bless what he does not ordain. And if you were to be honest with yourself, deep down you know that’s true. A true man is not seeking just a girlfriend or roommate. No. He is seeking to find a WIFE. Are you willing and ready to BE a WIFE? This entire mentality of “well let’s just see where this goes…” is an utter and complete waste of your life. If he is a spiritually grown man, he should know where he wants this to go. He should have a destination. Is this not the type of man you need to lead you and your family? Men have fallen from being true leaders. Mostly because we do not know how, or we have a warped perception of what leadership is. Look at how he handles people who may work under him. Look at how he handles power and authority and how he submits to the powers and authorities above him. Consider what he tells you as far as his life goals and how he encourages you in yours. Are his life goals driven by God or by society? Ladies you cannot waste your time on a man who looks good, compliments you, but has no plan for his future. If he doesn’t already have a plan for his future, he will not plan your future together. You are too precious of a treasure for a man to not be willing to put forth the effort to find you and crown you.
- Is He A Provider And Protector?
1 Timothy 5:8 – “But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
Ladies, I’ve got 3 letters for you. J….O….B. It’s more than just a book in the bible ya’ll. But jokes aside, he needs to have a job if he is able to work. The question is NOT does he make a lot of money, but rather does he have an honest legal job or a way to provide in the area of resources. A man’s number one responsibility is his family. Look at how he treats his current family, particularly the women. Consider how he treats/respects his mother or sister. Observe how he talks about women and to women in general. Until you are married, the number one woman in his life should be his mother if she is living. How he respects her and treats her is critical in your decision making. These are the traits you look for to have a good idea of how he’ll provide and care for you. Your man should be willing and able, when you are his wife, to put you at the top of his list. After God, comes you. Before the children, comes YOU. Before his mother and sister COMES YOU. He should be willing to lay down his very life for YOU.
- Does He (and you) Honor Your Body?
1 Corinthians 7:1-5 – “Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman. But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
Here is the simple truth of the matter. God designed sex for two reasons: Consummation of the marriage and procreation. Marriage is the most intimate of all relationships as it represents two people becoming one in the sight of God and the expansion of the family. This is further deepened by the sexual intercourse that spiritually and physically unites you to one another. This sacred bond was never intended to be used outside of the confines of marriage. But society has turned the beauty of sex into just an act to satisfy an unsatisfiable desire. No one respects the nature of sex anymore. And it drives people away from marriage instead of being used to solidify and encourage marriage. Marriage is a divine covenant that should not be entered into lightly and must be taken seriously. Ladies, the ultimate gift you can give a man is yourself. And this gift should only be given to him in marriage. Ladies, you owe him NOTHING outside of the confines of marriage. When you give yourself sexually to someone, you become connected to them. The more partners you’ve had, the more pieces of yourself you’ve lost. Why would you want to give your greatest gift to a man who does not deem it vital to make the ultimate commitment to you in marriage? Does he view your body as a glorious temple? Or does he view your body as an avenue to satisfy his sexual desires? If he truly loves you, (with the definition of what love really means), feels overwhelmed with desire for you, and understands what marriage means, he will marry you before uniting with you because he understands it not just sex. It’s a covenant between you, him, and God. It’s spiritual. It’s personal and powerful. If a man’s desire for you sexually is greater than his desire to marry and officially commit his life to loving and caring for you, this is not the man God has for you but again, he’s the man that YOU want for you.
This is not an all-inclusive list of things you need to consider. And I still have some areas that I need to work on even in my own marriage as it pertains to this. But I truly believe that if you would lay down your emotions for a moment, and take these 4 questions seriously, you will find that what God would have for you is not just a boyfriend but a true Husband. A man who sees you for what you are worth. A man that will commit his life to God and to you. A man that will love you, cherish you, and even die for you if necessary. This may not be what you think you want, but according to scripture, that is what you NEED. Be blessed my queens and I pray that you’ll share this with another special woman in your life.
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What I want the most is for this to not be about me. But rather the focus be placed on Jesus Christ; the author and finisher of our faith. I am just a vessel willing to be used by him and for him.
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